Last week Aislinn technically had her first day of school, but Monday was her first day there without me at all. I wasn't sure how it would go. All weekend I explained to her that the next time I brought her to school I would be leaving for a little while and then come back for her. She only cried about it once. I couldn't sleep at all Sunday night. I was just obsessing about having to leave her at school. I wasn't sure she'd be ok. After sleeping for a couple of hours I got Aislinn up and fed her breakfast. I had absolutely no apatite. It was finally time to go and all the way there I talked to her about how I was going to have to leave for a little while. I was sure she was going to freak out or not. She has screamed for 2 hours straight when left alone with anyone but grandma & grandpa. She never wants to let me go. Anyway, we get to her school and I feel like I'm going to throw up I'm so anxious about leaving her. I'm trying to act like it's ok and Aislinn is just bursting with excitement. We waited outside the classroom with another mom and little girl for about 5 minutes. Then her teacher, Ms. D, opened the door and asked them if they wanted to come in. Aislinn screamed "YEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" and RAN into the classroom ahead of me. At this point the other kids were showing up and another little girl joins Aislinn at the little race car ramp. They were taking turns sending the cars down the ramp and their other teacher Ms. S was playing with them too. This is when the mother of the little girl playing with Aislinn told her daughter that she was going to leave. I decide I should leave when she does so I got on my knees and said, "Aislinn, Mommy is going to leave for a little while but I'll be back really soon to get you." Almost before I can finish my sentence Aislinn says "OK!" and as I'm leaning over to give her a kiss she turned around and started playing again. I was dissed! No kiss! She didn't want to give me a kiss!!! So I just kissed her on the cheek and walked out of the room. As I was walking down the hallway I was waiting to here her crying but I heard nothing. I got in the car and drove to the Best Buy parking lot and cried. An hour later I went to go pick her up. At first she was so excited to see me but when I told her we were going to go home she freaked out and started to cry. She told me she wanted to stay at school. Seriously! She absolutely didn't care when I left and she didn't want to come home. Who is this kid? She doesn't want to come home with mommy? Clearly she was ready to start school, I was the one that wasn't ready for it. I mean, when did she grow up? What happened to my little baby? She's going to school!! She goes to school without me!! Ok ok ok. I'm just kidding, sort of. Believe me, I am so happy that she didn't cry, I am. I'm so proud of her because there was a time that I thought she'd never be able to separate from me and as much as I love it when she is attached to me like a koala bear I also want to know that she is ok when I'm not with her. She can't be my baby forever, she has to grow up. It seems like she's growing up so fast that it's almost impossible to take it all in and I feel like before I know it she'll be dating (OVER MY DEAD BODY!) and then we'll be moving her into college. OMG!! Then she's going to move away and get a job somewhere we'll need a plane ticket to get to and she'll get married and have kids and then we'll have to move to be closer to her. Ahhhh!!! My baby!!! Ok, I'm breathing. It's ok. It's ok. I just worked so hard to have her that I wish I could just slow things down and have more time to enjoy every moment, but life moves too quickly and I'm so proud of her and everything that she does. She is such an amazing little person. She is so smart and so sweet and she also has a wonderful little attitude (I'll take credit for that). She's the best thing I've ever done. I guess watching your children grow up and pushing them forward so that they are prepared for the world is what being a mother is all about. We have to do it no matter how much we want to just hold on to them a little bit longer. They all have to grow up. But I guess if you do it with enough love you'll always be close no matter how old they get and no matter how far away they are.
Happy 1st Day of School, Aislinn!! I love you!
