Well, today I'm technically 5 weeks 1 day pregnant. Using the word "pregnant" is still kind of scary at this point. It's just one day at a time right now. Each night I'm thankful that I got through another day without any bleeding or signs of miscarriage. I have moments where I think that maybe this is a viable pregnancy, maybe I will actually have another baby. I let myself imagine what the baby will be like and then I remind myself that we haven't even seen a yolk sac, fetal pole or a heartbeat yet. We could go in for the ultrasound next week and see an empty sac. Even if we do see everything we should see next Thursday there will still be another 6 weeks to go from there before I'm safely out of the first trimester. So far so good though, right? I mean, no bad signs yet. I am anxious though. I don't really want to be away from home until the first 12 weeks are over because I just don't know what I would do if I miscarried again, especially if I'm not at home. That's crazy and I know that. I can't stay at home, there are things we have to do before November 5th and there's just no way out of it. I just pray that if something awful does happen that it doesn't happen when we are at some sort of event with other people around. I just hope that I get to the point where I can enjoy being pregnant. I just hope I get to week 12 and that I can just relax. I would love for Aislinn to have a little brother or sister. I'm also looking forward to nesting again because last time I nested the house was awesomely clean. I miss all of the energy of the second trimester and my nesting started long before the 3rd trimester so things should be great by the time the little man or little lady arrived. Right now I'm so tired that there isn't a word good enough to express how tired I really am. I don't have an ounce of energy. Luckily I still have such anxiety about Aislinn going to school and getting her there on time and picking her up on time so that I don't damage her socially is enough to keep me awake long enough to get to her to and from school safely. I'd love to just sleep all day long, only waking to eat and go to the bathroom. Waking to eat would not include me making the food. No, that is a job for someone else. The clean up too. Not for me. Oh, I guess I'd have to shower too... hmm.. so much work. Shaving? Yeah! Right!! Hahahahahaha!! Please, that is entirely too much work for me to do right now. I'm going to let my body hair grow until I look like a yeti. I'll shave before my ultrasound but I'm not planning on shaving before then or for a while after that. From time to time I feel a tad bit sickish, but not as sick as I was with Aislinn. I absolutely have no interest in being around leftovers or dishes that I just ate off of because the smell of the food that I just ate grosses me out. That's not too bad though. The only other thing I'm experiencing is sore boobs. Painfully sore, but I'm not complaining. I'll take whatever. All symptoms are welcome here. It's nice to feel a little bit pregnant. At this point I don't know if it's symptoms or side effects of the meds, probably more side effects but it makes me feel better. There's some hint of pelvic pain which I had the entire time I was pregnant with Aislinn but I just noticed it today so I don't know if that's just something weird of it's going to stick around. I'm also crampy on and off and sometimes it freaks me out. I know I was crampy when I was pregnant with Aislinn, but I was also crampy when I miscarried. So, sometimes the cramps get kind of intense and I start to obsess about the cramping and then it goes away. I doesn't seem to be a bad sign at this point so I guess it's ok.
I won't be posting until Tuesday or Wednesday again because we're going to have family over for Rosh Hashanah this weekend and then I'm going to the U2 concert in MA Monday night. I hope that everyone has a great weekend and I hope that I return still pregnant.
