I did pee on a stick last night and the line got darker again. I was feeling pretty good about things last night but when I got up this morning the line had faded to almost as light as the last pee stick. Ok, it was still darker but I still convinced myself that this pregnancy is doomed. I went in early this morning for my beta test then came home to get Aislinn up. Howie slept in because he really needed it. He was tired and he's been busting his butt around here to help me out. He doesn't want me to do anything which is really sweet. Once he was up and awake I went back up to bed. I was pretty tired but I also figured it would be easier to wait for the call if I was sleeping. The call came a little after 12 pm. The nurse said that my hcg level went up nicely, it is 124. So it doubled. Yay! The best news is that I don't have to go in for a third test!!! I'm so superstitious about the third one so I feel a bit better about that. Of course I'm not in the clear yet. I have to schedule my ultrasound on Monday. Sometime the week of the 21st I can go in. I could go in on the 21st but I'll be in Boston at a U2 concert with my best friend and won't be home until the 22nd. So I'll probably schedule it for the 23rd. If we can get past the ultrasound with things being all good then I might be able to relax a bit more. Then it's just getting past the 12th week.
I really wish it was as easy as it is for fertile women. They pee on a stick and seeing that positive sign is like a guarantee that they're pregnant. Sure, they might not tell everyone they're pregnant until the second trimester just in case but there isn't the constant fear that at any second you will miscarry. You don't worry about your beta hcg numbers the same way, you don't worry that you will go in for an ultrasound and find an empty sac. It would be nice to just instantly enjoy and be excited about a positive pregnancy test. Oh well, it is what it is. Right? Another 7 1/2 weeks of worrying that I'll miscarry and then I can just chill.
I'd write more but I'm so tired that I can't think. I slept almost the entire day but I'm exhausted. Off to bed again.
