I clearly lied about scanning the pic of the blastocysts. I mean, it's not here is it? I blame the printer, it's useless right now and needs to be tinkered with. Tinkering is so much work. They pretty much look like a couple of blastocysts right now. Well, the one on the left side of the picture looks like Howie, it has his curly hair. And the one on the right looks like me, it has my smile. Just kidding. By the way, right now we are referring to them as Thing 1 and Thing 2. I think we read too much Dr. Seuss around here.
So, I pretty much laid on the couch and played Sims 3, ate, slept & popped cooter shooters until Friday. Well, I still have to pop cooter shooters but since Aislinn came back on Friday I have been sleeping and playing Sims a lot less. I'm sooooo glad to have her back home!!! We missed her so much. Howie got some stuff done while we were living toddler free. He painted the bathroom ceiling, he painted the other bathroom wall that was patched up, painted the trim in the kitchen, painted the front door and all the other new doors in the house, painted a patch job in our bedroom (we had a lot of work done in spring so there's all these patch jobs here and there that we needed to paint), he replaced some switches in the house and I'm sure there's something I'm forgetting but he did stuff. Yesterday afternoon certain smells started to bother me. I'm not blaming this on any sort of pregnancy symptoms because it would be waaaaaaay too early for that. I'm thinking it's the side effect of one of the meds or something. Who knows. I gave Aislinn some cheese and crackers a couple of days ago and the cheese started to gross me out. The smell of it was awful! Then Howie cooked some scallops yesterday and I've never liked scallops but the smell totally grossed me out way more than usual. I made noodles with butter and parmesan cheese for Aislinn which I normally love, but again the cheese was grossing me out. Bleh.
Oddly enough I'm not going crazy (yet) waiting for my first beta test on Thursday. I'm trying to wait to pee on a stick until Wednesday morning but I'd really like to pee on a stick tomorrow morning. But then if it's negative I'll go nuts and the next few days will be awful. Somehow I've remained calm. Hmm. Now that I'm thinking about it and writing about it I'm starting to get a little crazy in my head. I guess that's why I avoid this. I really don't know what to expect. I guess the best thing to do is to try not to expect anything. Or let myself want it too much. I've just kind of shut the whole idea out of my head because on one hand this cycle has gone pretty well and part of me wants to just relax a bit and think that maybe that's all a good sign. But on the other hand I know that it doesn't matter how great things look, sometimes it just doesn't work out. A LOT of the time it doesn't work out. There's no rhyme or reason to any of this, I'm sure of it. Here's the thing though. I absolutely want to have more kids and sure it's unfair that there are people out there that should never ever be around children and yet they can easily conceive and carry a baby to term and I can't and all those other women out there that struggle with infertility can't. But really, my life could be worse. (I'm only speaking for myself right now, not the other women struggling with infertility. Just talking about myself.) I have a beautiful daughter and I did get to experience pregnancy. Aside from PCOS, I'm healthy and I'm here with my family. I mean, I just found out that someone close to me has breast cancer and I guess my whole situation doesn't seem all that bad right now. I just have to put things in perspective. If I'm pregnant that's beyond wonderful and I will be so grateful, but if I'm not pregnant I'll be ok. Because the truth is, if I had a choice of who was going to get good news and who was going to be getting the bad news I'd rather be the one getting the bad news so that this person that I love didn't have to have breast cancer. Life just doesn't work that way though.
