It's pretty much over now. This afternoon I miscarried. No warning cramps or anything. I just simply went to the bathroom to pee and there it was, blood everywhere. Then the cramping started like 60 seconds later. So, that's the end of Thing 1 & Thing 2. This time I kind of feel numb. I guess I expected it after the low hcg levels. I was just waiting for this to happen. I was surprised by each day that passed without any sign of miscarriage so somehow this time it hurts a little less than the last two times. Maybe it just hasn't hit me yet. I was instantly devastated when I miscarried before, but those two times I was sure everything was fine too. There was no surprise this time. The only thing that makes me sad is that Aislinn was so excited about having a baby in the house. I probably shouldn't have told her so early but we were just trying to explain to her why she couldn't jump on my back or jump on me at all anymore. She told me that when the baby came home she wanted to give baby her favorite green blanket and that baby could sleep in her crib. It was really sweet. She just said these things on her own. She's so cute. I of course also feel bad for Howie. I know he's worried about me and he looks sad too. Other than feeling bad for Howie and feeling bad about not being able to give Aislinn and sister or brother, I really feel nothing right now. I'm numb. Totally numb.
