I don't feel totally anxious but I must be anxious because there's no toddler in the house and I woke up at 6 am after I spent most of the night tossing and turning just waiting for today to come so I could just go get this transfer done!
I got up to shower, shave, do a quick half-assed pedicure, and then I came downstairs to watch some tv. It seems that all of the good morning shows are on around 9 am or so because I'm stuck watching Good Morning America. Something about this show makes me feel like my mother and by that I mean it makes me feel old-ish. I guess I should blame that on Diane Sawyer because every time I see her I think of 60 Minutes, then I think Andy Rooney and I think of how boring the show is even though it's a huge deal. Snooze. It's ok, you can totally disagree and hate me for being bored to tears by Diane Sawyer and 60 Minutes. I don't care. Anyway, apparently Whitney Houston is going to be on Good Morning America tomorrow. Does she have a new CD? Did she put down the crack pipe long enough to make a decent album? I miss old Whitney and I wish her all the best. Is she still with that loser, Bobby? I can't keep track of her shenanigans. I mean, she hasn't even been on TMZ recently so I thought we were over her but I guess not.
Ok, that has nothing to do with anything at all. I'm clearly trying to avoid thinking about the transfer. See, when I think about it I kinda say to myself, 12 embryos is awesome, 11 grade 1 embryos is super awesome, this is awesome! It'll be fine! You made it to DAY 5!!! Then negative Amy starts talking, Pfffft, you're excited because for a second it looked good? That's exactly when it goes wrong! And maybe it was going to go well until you started thinking that it was all good and that kinda thinking just jinxed it. You can't just think you know what's coming or have faith that it'll be good because every time you do that things go all wrong! So just stop thinking! STOP! Eh! Eh! Stop it!! And then a bunch of people come in and strap me into a straight jacket because I'm clearly nuts. I also bought a feng shui book a couple of weeks ago and our bathroom is in our "Children and Creativity" area and I noticed that it was all kinds of messy this morning. I mean, if it's a mess things could go wrong! If my husbands dirty underwear is just laying on the floor and the trash is full then it'll totally ruin our chances of having babies! They'll probably call us in an hour and be like, "don't bother coming in, there's nothing left" and I'll know it's because the bathroom was a mess. I should also clean the toilet! I also need to make sure there aren't any triangles in there. Triangles in your baby making place are bad! My other concern is not peeing on the doc. I did this twice in VA at our old clinic, once for Aislinn's IVF transfer and then a little over a year ago for a frozen embryo transfer and their policy is come with a moderately full bladder so that you can lay there for 20 more minutes without peeing everywhere. My new clinic wants me to show up with an "uncomfortably" full bladder and they'll do an ultrasound to check and if they don't think you're uncomfortable enough yet you have to drink more water. We did this with them last November and I came with an uncomfortably full bladder because I was concerned about not passing their test before the transfer and I could barely keep myself from peeing before the embryos were brought in. Like as soon as the doc left I told the nurse that I couldn't wait even 60 seconds, I had to pee so I had to pee in a bed pan which was just awful. Here's the thing, for me moderately full is full as hell for me. I have a pea sized bladder and I have never been able to hold my pee long, and after having been pregnant I have no control over it at all now. I mean, I pee when I sneeze so common! I'm thinking of just lying to them and being all like, "OMG I have to peeeeeeee!!!" when I'm just moderately full. I'm kinda hoping that they'll let me bring in my iPod so that I can watch a movie once their done because by some miracle I can hold it for hours if I am watching TV, movies or playing The Sims. So, if I can just watch a movie I'll ignore my needs just fine and be able to wait 20 minutes more.
Oh, you know, I should really talk more about my daughter who actually does exist and breathe rather than these embryos all the time. I mean, she is pretty awesome too. So, turns out she had Roseola or whatever. It's crazy. It's basically a 3 day fever and then 24 hours after the fever is gone your kid breaks out in this hideous rash that makes them look more sickly than the fever ever did but they're actually technically not sick anymore at this point but it does make then a whole lot of bitchy. Boy, did she have an attitude yesterday when she woke up covered in red spots and blotchiness. I brought her to the doc thinking things were going bad again and because I totally love giving them my money in return for more info about how she's totally fine and it'll be over soon. Just chill the fuck out, she's fine! I usually don't bring her to the doc every time she coughs, has a runny nose or has a fever because I know that she'll be fine but with her going to NJ for most of the week while I rest and her starting pre-school next week I was just spastic and hoping that she wasn't going to come down with something awful. I also thought the doctor had a magic wand that could fix your kid if you had some big stuff coming up but there's no such wand.
Well, I'm just boring all of you to death out there. I'm using this blog and my readers to just kill time and keep my mind off of the transfer and it's just not that interesting for you anymore, now is it? It's ok, you won't hurt my feelings. I know that this is boring for you. I'll write later and update you on the transfer and all that. Wish me luck and stuff.
