I miscarried, as you all know, but besides that someone very close to me has breast cancer. Let's just call her Sophia. Anyone out there who knows Sophia there's a reason I call her that. There's a joke we used to have and it makes sense for that to be her code name here on my blog. Anyway, Sophia had a mastectomy yesterday morning. Her breast cancer is more upsetting to me than my miscarriage. I kinda thought the miscarriage would happen this time anyway. Ugh. Not that the miscarriage isn't awful, because it's always awful, but it's not as awful as cancer. I've been cleaning and cooking and cleaning and cleaning and cooking. Anything I can do to keep my mind off of Sophia's breast cancer. Or maybe just to keep me busy so that I don't sit still and think about it. Her breast cancer is stage two and they don't believe it has spread to her lymph nodes so that's good. Things are never 100% again though, are they? She was in good spirits and all until last Wednesday when she finally cried about it and since then I've been a mess. Well, before that I was barely sleeping but once she cried that was it. She's always strong when things aren't right. I kind of depend on her for that and right now she can't be. She is entitled to a break down every once in a while, right? Of course. We all are. I just don't know what to do with myself. I've been cleaning and cooking and all that so that I'm just exhausted at the end of the day in hopes that I'll just fall asleep but I still can't. She doesn't want pink ribbons and absolutely doesn't want anyone walking for her. She doesn't want anyone talking about it when she's not there. Nobody is following that rule. She is letting me stay with her for a few days next week to help out. That makes me feel a little bit better. I don't know how to sort out my feelings right now. Some days I feel ok, others I don't. I don't know what the right thing to say or do is. I don't know what to do when the bad stuff is happening to someone else and not to me. I feel helpless and I hate watching her go through this. I just want her to be ok. I wish there was more I could do.
As for me and my faulty reproductive organs, Dr. Hotness is going to have me do some tests before we do anything with frosty. He doesn't think that we will find anything. He still thinks I capable of getting and staying pregnant. I don't know if I think that's possible, but no baby is going to want to be in my tired stressed out body right now so I'm going to have to start managing that. Depending on the results of the tests and our bank account, we would probably wait until after the new year before doing a frozen cycle. I also need to lose some weight... during the holiday season. It'll be fun.
Aislinn is really enjoying school. Too bad it's just 2 days a week right now. She's having so much fun. Potty training wasn't going so well but out of nowhere she asked to sit on the big potty yesterday. She tired 3 times, didn't pee or poop at all, but at least she tried and asked to try. Same thing today, but hasn't actually done anything in the potty. That's ok though, at least she wants to try. What more can I ask?
